I raided the cupboard tonight
I wanted crisps, salt and bite
But snacks there were none
My shelves are no fun
And my jeans are accusingly tight.
If only there was a quick answer
To make me as lithe as a panther
To smooth all my bumps
And banish those lumps
But instead I have cheeks like a hamster.
Oh I know all the theory and crazes
What people will try still amazes
So I do need to know
How to strike the first blow
They can all go to blazes!